The New Moon in Aquarius happened on February 13th at 25+ degrees of the sign and fell into my 6th house, the area related to service, daily routine and obligations. It was not close enough to natal Saturn at 28+ Aquarius in my humble opinion, but still within 2+ degrees of a square to the natal IC/MC axis – so, I might as well count it as a ‘hit’, especially after the events that have transpired. At that time I was staying at my mother-in-law’s place – not only because she had her second eye cataract surgery scheduled, but also because our house was undergoing a major renovation. To take mom to the hospital and support her during the time of her recovery with her chores around the house is befitting a 6th house Saturn and if he’s also the apex of a t-square with the IC/MC axis across Scorpio/Taurus, it’s easy to see how the renovations at home (Scorpio on IC) and me trying to persevere in regard to my career aspirations in addition to building up a public life and persona (Taurus on MC) complete the picture.
Her surgery went well and she recovered quickly, which provided me with more time to work on my personal stuff and to dedicate to my agenda as I could’ve possibly expected, if the surroundings would have only been less disruptive. However, on the one hand, it felt good to walk the dog almost every afternoon as I usually don’t get enough fresh air during the winter here in our dreary area. This way, I had moreover opportunity to move around and stretch my muscles a bit, which is otherwise part of my daily fitness routine I can’t pursue there. In the same sense has been having some company as well as some real conversation a nice change to my daily routine, whereas on the other hand her routine, which has to be followed to a T, could overtake the day and the constant interruptions could at times be a bit nerve-wrecking, but what was the worst part of it for me was that requests quickly turned into demands and that some of the conversations could suddenly turn into emotional upheaval of the kind I was neither prepared nor forearmed for.
A closer look at the message conveyed through the Sabian Symbol for this New Moon explains a lot:
“A garage man testing a car’s battery with a hydrometer. Keynote: Skill in applying knowledge of natural laws to the solution of everyday problems resulting from life in our technological society – mental efficiency.”
The car battery that had been put to a test was my mentality – hence, mental efficiency is the keyword. In the meantime, it became clear to me that this was actually part of a larger process, which had been accelerated by the Solar Eclipse, referring to the ways I express myself (5th house) and with the Aquarius New Moon in semi-sextile aspect to the preceding NM/Solar Eclipse (26+Capricorn and 25+Aquarius) it showed how this was complemented by the level of competence or ‘professionalism’ I have acquired in this regard and I must admit that I failed utterly. Mainly, because it was only afterwards, when I was in different surroundings plus had the peace and quiet restored that I was able to reflect upon the experiences and understood. It happened as a result of Self-questioning and enquiring into what had been mirrored to me during these trials and what it is that I’m supposed to learn from this. Of course, that was after the Virgo Full Moon on the 28th, exactly square natal Mercury in Sagittarius in house 4, which had Jupiter conjunct the Sun in Pisces (reflection bringing understanding and awareness to the consciousness or into daylight) and opposite the Moon in Virgo (analysis of mistakes and effectiveness). Besides, the Sabians told the story: “An aviator pursues his journey, flying through ground-obscuring clouds.” (Sun Symbol) and “Two heads looking out and beyond the shadows. Keynote: The growth of true understanding, born out of the transcendence of duality even while immersed in the world of duality – the Self-transcending activity of the mind.” (Moon Symbol)
Visiting is nice for a while, but can become like living in the longer one stays and I stayed for 3 weeks, one more than I had intended, because at the time of the First Quarter Moon at 3+ Gemini/Pisces on the 21st my plans (Gemini) to return home had been canceled due to unforeseen circumstances (Pisces). Again, both – Sun and Moon – aspected my chart, squaring and opposing natal Mars in Virgo in house 12 and this resulted in a proverbial “karmic attack”. In the lunation cycle it refers to the “crisis in action”; from when on things really became challenging as mom’s projections seemed to get out of hand due to several stress factors she had to deal with and then her perception of reality was somewhat deluded, while I grew more worrisome from day to day – quite understandably as she has just had a surgery and had also experienced a stroke, followed by a period of dizziness, last summer.
Her thought process was incoherent; her accusations made no sense and neither did her logic as she even went so far to make things up to fit her delusions in order to cover up her denial, because one of her character flaws is that she can’t admit failure or wrongness on her part. I was so irritated that I didn’t know what to do as I am well aware of her stubborn insistence on being right and how easily she is insulted by the slightest hint she takes the wrong way. Inclined toward emotional drama, she can respond whimsically and defensive, twisting words and then becoming overbearing. When she is in this condition, the smartest thing to do is to say nothing at all. But I still couldn’t shake the alarm going off in my head as I had to wonder if she was going to lose it the other day when she was looking for an imaginary cup she thought I had displaced. I’m still not sure if this was just one of those lapses in memory she undergoes when her overly subjective perception fails her somehow and she refuses to face reality. More likely is that this is getting worse with age and thus that her mental health might be declining. Her natal Mercury in Cancer conjunct Pluto is making challenging aspects with other points in the chart, which could raise one’s suspicions in this regard (i.e. 2 eye cataract surgeries).
Another outstanding feature of her chart is a Sun-Venus Rx conjunction in Cancer square a fiery Aries Moon and each is involved in a yod with Neptune in Virgo and Saturn Rx in Aquarius. What this pattern reveals is that she has a strong masculine side and a soft maternal side. Her personality can be loud, pushy and commanding or overly sensitive, pitiful and has her easily crying. At times, it is difficult to tolerate her behavior. Still, everybody tries not to upset her, which of course doesn’t save us from awkward situations we inevitably experience with her, especially when she wants something and she doesn’t understand what is being explained to her, because she has a preconceived idea in her mind already and will hold onto that and this is also what she will hold against us then should things turn out different than she had imagined.
So, what is my part in this drama when we seem to get along well, I support her to the best of my abilities and play along as good as I can? – Because that’s not good enough. It’s as simple as that. Walking on eggshells doesn’t resolve the situation and does neither help her nor me. For one thing, I have to find a way that’s non-offensive to her to show her that I have boundaries too and for another, I have to work on my tendency to set things straight and right (Mercury in Sagittarius in house 4 is chart ruler and Jupiter in 9 is in highest elevation), which extends to the point of expecting fairness from others (Venus in Libra is final dispositor in my chart). In all this time I’ve known her she has always taking sides when it comes to others; in the same sense as she will adamantly defend every action or word from one of her “favorites”, she will trash the ones she can’t stand, the good Christian she is, and there’s no leeway in between. This is of course another reason for our problems since I’m not in her camp of “favorites”. Although she is more approving of me than of the majority of her “disfavored” ones, she can’t refrain from pointing out things she dislikes about me, especially when I don’t totally agree with everything she thinks and says. Because I can’t evade it that she will engage me directly and persistently – after all it makes her still happy when I’m there and she has somebody to share her thoughts and feelings with – I will have to learn how to deal with her more effectively (and with others as well, I might add).
From a psychological standpoint it comes as no surprise that the two of us are caught in this dance. Particularly the fact that some of her comments and suggestions can anger me, shows that I’m no better than her, because that means that I’m not truly accepting of her personality either. When I was at the Reiki Centre there, they invited me to an emotional cleansing after they had heard part of the story. Admittedly, at first I didn’t understand the purpose of invoking silence and emptiness within me – all I wanted was to talk, to get all this frustration I have amounted over the years off my chest. Though what I needed was to quiet my mind and to relax, not letting negativity get to me and disturb my inner peace. In hindsight it’s totally clear – back then and there, it wasn’t. Contributing to the whole situation was also another factor that kept me feeling uncomfortable and slightly on the edge as I had to endure for 2 weeks painful digestive problems, which only aggravated by the food she prepared (some of it was definitely not sitting well with me!).
When I was up there I had also looked at the condo listings and employment opportunities as our original plan was to renovate the house and then move up there. But when I returned home I realized that the last word hasn’t been spoken yet in this regard. Still, I felt relief, even though a major cleaning task awaited me. Physical activity is the best outlet for my bottled up anger (Mars in Virgo in 12). The cleaning kept me busy for a few days at least and mostly took my mind off the things that were causing me upset. However, at the time of the Third Quarter Moon, I fell victim to my personal truth again with the waning Sagittarius Moon conjunct natal Juno in house 4 and square natal Pluto in house 1 and the Pisces Sun opposite the latter and square the former. Yet I was already capable of handling the matter better, of showing more understanding and looking at this from a different angle. Well, it’s a work in progress (Saturn in Aquarius), as the German saying goes: “No master ever fell from heaven.” Greatly aiding this process was my happiness to be home, to do as I see fit and to be finally able to cook my own meals and thus to eat the food I like (Saturn is semi-square Ceres in my chart). Amazingly enough, the painful digestive problems I had experienced, had disappeared already the next day after I had returned home.