The Taurus New Moon of May 13th, 2010, fell into my 9th house again, opposite the natal Sun in Scorpio in house 3 and also aspected my natal nodal axis with a quincunx to the South Node in Sagittarius in house 4 and a semi-sextile to the North Node in Gemini in house 10 (destiny adjustment). Thus, my beliefs and perspective were highlighted again in a quest to find the truth, confronted by the need to recuperate my body, mind and soul in order to be able to go on with my life, including the question which information and sources are to be trusted, and this was the result of unfinished business taken over into the new cycle.
“An Indian warrior riding fiercely, human scalps hanging from his belt.” – was the Sabian Symbol for 23:09 Taurus, the zodiacal degree activated by the lunation. In the same sense as the Indian portrayed here collects scalps, did my doctor collect information from the different medical tests I had to undergo, which would enable him to come up with a diagnosis or to send me to another physician, who has specialized in a certain area of health befitting the symptoms and lab findings. However, another aspect that perfected that day and was part of the lunation chart was the sextile between Venus in Gemini and Eris in Aries that indicated a surface evaluation that would be superficial at best, based on intellectual estimation and conducted in an emotionally disconnected way. Furthermore suggested is that I’d be given advice and input from different sources I had to assess objectively, thereby relying on my intellect to figure out for myself what’s best for me.
My follow-up appointments were usually set in a weekly or 10-day rhythm and I was at that time taking antibiotics to treat what my doctor had called an “acute kidney infection” after he had checked the probe there in his office the old-fashioned way with a small chemical paperclip that changed color. Quick action was needed, still, the hastily approach he has been employing ever since I’ve been visiting him, has proved to be a serious hindrance to the improvement of my condition. I’ve got the impression that his practices are of a fast processing nature – whether it concerns the doctor-client interaction, the prescriptions for the primarily symptoms, the transfers for hospital tests or the referrals to specialists. Although I realized that he is under enormous pressure with the work overload assigned to him, the thought that I might have to pay the price for that with my health really disturbed me. The health care system on this level has truly lost touch with the human factor. For the time being, however, I was able to relax as I hoped to feel better soon, even though I knew that this infection was just a ‘side effect’ of something ‘bigger’. But I wanted to focus on the positive side of things and was building up willpower and determination (Taurus New Moon opposite Scorpio Sun in house 3). Meanwhile, J and I enjoyed the nice weather and typical for a New Moon in Taurus we talked about our herb garden project and an extension to our deck.
I had a couple of tests scheduled for May 18th at the hospital in Strathroy, the same day my mother underwent a minor heart surgery in Germany to get the batteries in her pacemaker replaced. She called me in great spirits on the day of the First Quarter Moon already, May 20th, to let me know that she’s doing fine and that everything went well for her and how much she enjoyed the attentiveness and care of my sister’s family. With the waxing Moon in Leo’s last-degree-square to the Sun in Taurus, she couldn’t wait to share her happiness with me and told me how glad she was that the same surgeon, who had operated her before, had done the procedure, which was a great relief to hear, but ‘dramatized’ my own situation for me as I felt stuck in unfortunate circumstances compared to her, especially in view of the long waiting times, the negligence and poor quality of care, all of which left me feeling unsafe, uncertain, uncentered and discontent. What made things even worse for me was that the symptoms didn’t go into remission; on the contrary, they were persistent as were the swollen lymph nodes in my neck (Taurus). The keynote of the Sabian Symbol for the Leo Moon stated …”that all thoughts and all messages are inevitably to be shared with all men”, which of course was impossible for me as it would’ve only worried my mother. So, I’ve been keeping my story to myself. This “crisis in action” forced me to pretend that everything was just fine here, on my end.
In the prelude to the Sagittarius Full Moon I had another follow-up appointment with my doctor scheduled, upon which I received another prescription for antibiotics in addition to a professional ‘guess’, stating that I might have lymphoma or leukemia, for which he was arranging an appointment with a hematologist for me. The Full Moon in Sagittarius reflected the full light of the Sun in Gemini back to us in a measure of success and failure and in this case it concerned the facts, data or information we have collected or accumulated (Sun in Gemini with seed impulse in Taurus New Moon) and how we put them into context or fit them into the larger picture (Full Moon in Sagittarius). This climax of the lunation cycle fell into my 4th and 10th houses and squared off my Ascendant/Descendant axis in Virgo/Pisces in addition to the Mars-Vesta opposition, which is adjoined to this axis. Thus, one could say the news were ‘hitting home’, my emotional security base, my sense of safety and belonging. Everything I hold sacred was targeted in an attack on my life, so to speak, according to the opinion of a professional, however shallow, and the whole affair didn’t sit well with me.
For the Moon the Sabian Symbol stated: “Cupid knocks at the door of a human heart.” Keynote: Emotional Rebirth.
For the Sun the Sabian Symbol stated: “A well with bucket and rope under the shade of majestic trees.” Keynote: Trust in and Cooperation with Life.
Although this prognosis truly felt like getting an arrow shot right into my heart, deep inside I didn’t accept it as ‘truth written in stone’ and held onto the belief that I don’t have cancer, supported by my knowledge of the astrology that said otherwise and in which I found comfort. In the meantime, I received alternative healing advice from one of my networking contacts, highlighting for me the importance of connections, especially to people of like mind who understand me and care for me, because they belong to my spiritual circle.
That weekend I made an excursion into the local conservation area, following one of those unofficial tracks with no idea where I was heading, but it uplifted my spirit. I picked some wildflowers along the path for my table on the deck and on my way back home I paid the local antique store a visit. Within myself I was at peace and for the time being the experience took my mind off the worries and the disaster in the Gulf of Mexico, which has been bringing me regularly to tears. My heart is bleeding by the senseless violence against those helpless creatures and the ecocide committed on our home planet. In a way, I’ve been feeling as though I’m suffering together with the Earth.
Anyway, at first it seemed my condition would improve, but then the symptoms returned and my antibiotics were used up. So, I thought the wiser approach would be to see the doctor again before the weekend to renew the prescription. Since I haven’t studied medicine I have no idea how the traditional treatment methods are supposed to work. When J brought me to the walk-in-clinic in Strathroy on June 3rd, the evening before the Third Quarter Moon, the door was still closed and people had begun to line up. We’ve waited approximately for about half an hour until the doctor arrived with the keys to open the door and let his replacement together with all the people in. The receptionist failed to show up, which forced him to call around for a replacement for her. It took over another hour before I was led into one of the rooms to talk to the other doctor, who was bewildered about my story, doubting that my troubles were caused by kidney problems, and insisted that I should see my doctor as soon as possible after which he arranged for an appointment for me. With the waning Pisces Moon squaring the Gemini Sun, I began to seriously question the competence of my doctor and why I even go there as it seems to be such a waste of time. Though it’s not as if one had a choice here in our neck of the woods. During the decate I lived here in this foreign culture, it has become painfully clear to me that you’ll be doomed in case of a serious ailment. On the other hand, alternative healing practices and naturopathic ways of healing enjoy a lot more popularity over here. This “crisis in consciousness” that happened in sync with the healer Chiron’s station in the unfathomable sign Pisces (traditional healing method came to standstill), Mars in Leo’s opposition to Neptune Rx in Aquarius (self-undoing) and Juno in Gemini’s square to Saturn in Virgo (dealing with controversial information), had sent me pretty much back to square one. Confusion reigned again, uncertainty overcame me and no answers were available.
The other day, when I went to the local pharmacy to get even more antibiotics, I noticed that I’ve been surrounding myself with an air of reserve that must convey the impression of being inaccessible or short and thus not to be bothered by small-talk, which I usually don’t ever initiate. There are of course several personal reasons for this behaviour, still, from another’s point of view it might appear quite ‘off’, so to speak, or even come across as impoliteness. Back at home when I reflected upon the experience I realized how much I self-sabotage. This way I’ll never connect to people in my close surroundings. Not to mention that I need to get out of the house more often and then take my mind out of the clouds, which is at times tricky for someone with the South Node in Sagittarius in house 4 (I have all the answers tendency) and Neptune conjunct the Sun in the 3rd (not being there due to mental fogginess). However, on June 6th, when Jupiter ingressed Aries and the Gemini Sun squared my natal Pluto in house 1 (a potentially life-transforming transit) I decided to go on another walk, which gave me the opportunity to talk to my neighbor Adele, a very likeable young Lady, who was as usual busy in her garden (which btw. looks absolutely gorgeous after all the effort and sweat she put in there). She told me that she’s working in the new café and invited me to come by, thereby enticing me with the promise that I’d meet a different crowd. Suddenly, the whole picture changed for me (Ceres Rx in Capricorn square Uranus in Aries and Juno in Gemini trine Neptune Rx in Aquarius) and it was in the sense of a door being opened, though in reality it was my mind and my heart, which had been opened. The entire journey so far has been an incredible and invaluable learning experience for me, in particular through the people I came in contact with and the lessons I’ve been taught through them.
My appointment with the hematologist was on the 8th, the day of the Jupiter-Uranus conjunction in Aries, when our convictions regarding the primitiveness of the system became confirmed in yet another ‘revelation’. We drove to London to the old hospital, which was like the walk-in-clinic in Strathroy in a catastrophic condition. The building was almost abandoned and therefore not worth to clean, I’d guess. There wasn’t much on equipment – medical and otherwise – left, not even a nurse to assist the specialist. They’ve built a new health complex and let the old one literally rot in the same way as the entire health care system is ‘rotting’ in this country. What a disgrace! After all, its tax payers’ money that’s been wasted everywhere you look and incompetence coupled with carelessness that’s the prevalent attitude. Mercury trined Saturn and Mars opposed Chiron when I heard the good news that I don’t suffer from a life-threatening condition – that’s at least according to this specialist’s professional opinion. However, I still didn’t know which condition I actually have. – Unsurprisingly, next up is the Gemini lunation.